ME

The ramblings of a girl who is misunderstood ... very eccentric ... completely odd ... painstakingly creative ... a little loud ... unbelievably funny ... extremely intelligent ... totally nerdy ... and really interesting ... as she loves her life and lives it ... walking down many rocky roads ... surrounded by people who will never truly understand her ...

Monday, September 2, 2013

Crushed by a depression that turns the room dark and the air thick as oil

no one gets me
understands me
they think they do
by hearing me talk
but they miss the true meaning
not seeing the words that go unsaid
and there are so many of them
my heart is on my sleeve
it's wrapped in my cripticness
they have no clue
to the real me
don't want to hear the truth
the pain
I feel inside
don't  understand why I feel this way
why I see things the way I do
scared off
afraid of my thoughts
afraid of me
so many emotions
no control
I slip
words spilling out of my mouth
flowing through my fingers
needing someone to hear
needing someone to care
needing someone to help
falling on deaf ears
blind eyes
or just ones turned away
eyes glazed over
walking away
turning from me
seeing nothing
screaming
pleading
begging
help me
lost in the world
oblivious
no time for me
no time to help someone who can't help themselves
get over it
leave the drama
smile
you can do it
get medicated
you're a dumbass
faking
is my blood fake?
is the alcohol?
the pills?
the knife?
the gun?
help me
help me
help me
hatred
it's real
towards me
from me
my hatred is not for you
it is directed at me
and it is well deserved
I make people hate
despise
loathe
see it in their eyes
when they look at me
repulsed
disgusted
by this thing
this broken
worthless thing
can't help myself
can't fix myself
need help
crying
bawling
hurting
not understanding
not knowing why
needing something
not sure what
tired of being sad
being mad
wanting to smile
unable 
want to be loved
want to be held
wanting just one to understand
misery
unbelievable pain
because of me
my fault
my doing
I killed him
damaged goods
pathetic
JUST DO IT ALREADY!
no one needs you
no one loves you
here's the gun
pull the trigger
you're pathetic
can't even get that right
disgusting
embarrassing
trash
(do you see me?
can  you feel me standing here?)
knocked down
kicked
punched
bleeding
DO IT!
DO IT ALREADY!
you're pathetic
DO IT!
fat 
ugly
nasty
DO IT!
world doesn't need you
no one does
hurt those around you
by even existing
DO IT!
destroying the world
you
your fault
destroying people
not good enough
hated since you were five
should have drowned you
should have smothered you
never wanted you
wish you were never born
DO IT!
people kill themselves to get away from you
even your dad
ruined his life
ruined mine
DO IT!
do it for me
do it for the people around you
save them
make life better
diseased
don't deserve to be here
disappointing
don't deserve life
crazy
you are nothing
psycho
no one notices
stupid
no one sees
you ruin everything
no one will care
JUST DO IT ALREADY!!


BBBBAAAANNNNGGGG!

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