ME

The ramblings of a girl who is misunderstood ... very eccentric ... completely odd ... painstakingly creative ... a little loud ... unbelievably funny ... extremely intelligent ... totally nerdy ... and really interesting ... as she loves her life and lives it ... walking down many rocky roads ... surrounded by people who will never truly understand her ...

Monday, November 4, 2013

The end of a friendship

it's funny
you think you know someone
you consider the person a friend
a disagreement happens
possibly a misunderstanding
you feel your friendship was taken advantage of
that YOU were taken advantage of -
this could be your own fault
you tend to give people what you expect from them
only to be disappointed in then later
because you never get it back in return -
the other can't seem to see what the situation is
even when you lay it all out for them
in black and white
for them to read
they just don't get it
they just don't see
they make you the bad person
and you're semi-ok with that
you try to move on
even consider moving on without them -
the end of a friendship
if you can call it a friendship 
because now you just don't know -
you know you are not wrong
you know that they will never see your side
you smile and know that things will be different now
the stress will be gone
the negativity will be out of your life
but then you see
you see their true colors
when you see
finally - for the first time since the relationship began - see
see the real them
just how needy they really are
just how much they have not been a friend to you
just how messed up this person REALLY is
you leave it alone for awhile
let things go
knowing that you can come back later and decide where to go with this
your silence gets taken as anger
your silence gets taken as ignoring
when in reality you are just doing what needs to be done in your life -
how can someone be so selfish
expect so much of you
expect you to constantly be there
at all hours of the day and night? -
you become irritated with everything that has been happening
at the way this person has treated you
and the irritation
frustration
becomes worse
much worse
when they turn it around on you
say things 
vile things
about you 
that are not true
define you as something that you are not
talk down to you, condescend
as if they are better than you
as if you are the one that is wrong
(are people just so blind they can't see the obvious?)
you decide it needs to be over
you've cried
you've screamed
you've vented and vented to someone close
you just want to break down
disheartened
by those around you
there continues to be contact from this one you at one time cared about
the more you read the more the anger grows
the things this person has to say
the things this person says about you
trying to get your attention
trying to make you feel bad
guilty
like you are something you are not
it is definitely time to move on
to break all contact
politely, of course, because you are the better person
you've never ended a friendship before
not one that at one time mattered to you
but it's something you just can't walk away from
can't walk away from without saying a thing
but you know that your words will be unheard
just as they always have been with this person
you decide to just simply slip away
after wishing them all the best in the world
but then there's one last bang
when the person's words have gone unanswered
the person makes it public
public for all to see
with their lies
their drivel
their insanity
their negativity - 
the negativity they said is all on you - 
and now it's sitting there
you stare at it
you read it
you read it again
you read it out loud
you read it to a friend
you're ready to scream
you can't make it go away
it's there
for all to see
this person saying that you are not a good friend
when you have been nothing but
the friendship has got to be over now
you no longer want to be nice
but you have to be because being mean would backfire
being mean would make you what they say you are
you leave your polite message
you take a deep breath
you make the words go away
you breathe in again
you scream at the top of your lungs
as loud as you possibly can
then you breathe again
and you breathe
because life will go on
and you don't need this in your life
never did
it's time to move on
to smile and know that it's gone
that it won't be coming back
the end of another relationship
another person that you didn't need in your life
never did
a learning experience
i learned a lot
people come in and out of your life for a reason
this was one of them
a learning experience
i have learned
but i will not hold on to the negativity that i feel now
it's not worth it to hold on to it
i am too good a person for that
they don't feel bad
you won't either
you will move on
continue life as if none of this happened
you have way too much going for you
way too much to be saddened by a friendship that never really was

3 comments:

  1. unedited thoughts - flowed and then posted - nothing more, nothing less - sometimes making the best anti-poetry

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  2. Great work... and so true. I love the rawness of it, especially since I have had the same wonderings myself about people over the years. You GET me, while being you!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Matt, for your kind words. :)

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