The ramblings of a girl who is misunderstood ... very eccentric ... completely odd ... painstakingly creative ... a little loud ... unbelievably funny ... extremely intelligent ... totally nerdy ... and really interesting ... as she loves her life and lives it ... walking down many rocky roads ... surrounded by people who will never truly understand her ...

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Suffering in Silence

You either love me OR don't love me
like me OR despise me
Not both
It can't be both
Both turns me into an abused animal - 
not sure what to do
how to behave
afraid to get close
afraid to move
never sure what will set you off
what will make you lash out
never sure what I've done - 
Love taken away so quickly
Only hurt remains
hurt that's worse than bruises
worse than blood
hurt so deep
at the core
a hurt that never goes away
can never be repaired
I can't trust
not anyone
especially not you
nice one second
mean and cruel the next
I flinch whenever you're close
even during the good times
Unconditional love holds no meaning for you
Your words stab at my heart until there's nothing left

The Used

You make me afraid
afraid to get close to anyone
afraid to be near anyone
afraid to love anyone
I shove them away
or run away myself
You crush me
with your words
with your attacks
with your hatred (of me, of the world around you)
You suffocate me
without ever touching me
You destroy me
with what comes out of your mouth
You kill me
make me wish I was dead
Is that what you want?
I can't give you anymore
I'm used up
There's nothing left of me
Why can't you see how much you hurt me?
Why don't you care?
I can't take any more!
I pray to disappear
pray to get away
pray to not wake up
Unanswered prayers that shouldn't be ignored