The ramblings of a girl who is misunderstood ... very eccentric ... completely odd ... painstakingly creative ... a little loud ... unbelievably funny ... extremely intelligent ... totally nerdy ... and really interesting ... as she loves her life and lives it ... walking down many rocky roads ... surrounded by people who will never truly understand her ...

Monday, June 8, 2015

The Nightmare You Inflicted on Me

Destroyed daily
I can't take it anymore
Can't keep holding it inside
The hurtful words
The vitriol spewed
Killing me just a little more
No way out
No place to hide
No taking it back now
You said it
You meant it
Your denials mean nothing
The words can't be unsaid
The pain can't be undone 
The tears can't be uncried
They just get worse and worse
Each knife wound deeper than the one before
You've murdered me
I'm dead
Are you happy now?
Should have gotten rid of me
You are the reason I am what I am
Where I am
All alone
So afraid
Stuck in a cage
Locked inside of my mind
Held captive in the world you helped me create
Cowering like a good girl
Awaiting my punishment
The door guarded by the monster you have become

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Fractured Soul, Fractured Reality, Fractured Heart

Thinking only of myself
Not his thoughts
Not his wants
Not his needs 
Not his feelings
Not anyone
Just me
Me and me alone
Expecting so much more than I even deserve
Than I even have the right to ask for
Eyes black with mascara
Wet with tears
My fault
My hurt
Caused by me
Want to be loved
Want to be wanted
Want to be heard
By him and him alone
The center of my world
But not the center of his
How dare I?
Deserves better
Deserves the best
Not me
Should walk away
Never look back
For the best
But for who?
Not me
Definitely him
My needs
My wants
My heart
I'm sorry
I'm sorry I tried
I'm sorry I didn't listen
I'm sorry I didn't see
See you just felt sorry
Sorry for me
You are free